Bill Murphy's Day Off is the fifth episode.

Synopsis Edit

Bill gets suspended after getting into a fight and he hides his suspension from his parents, while Frank attempts to handle the problem at his workplace and make good on a promise to Kevin.

Trivia Edit

  • Title Reference: Bill taking the day off from school due to his recent suspension; the film Ferris Bueller's Day Off.
  • The premise of the opening (which is based off Frank's life) is explained in this episode: Frank wanted to go to flight school after graduating from high school. This was delayed when he got the draft notice to fight in the Korean War. The plan was derailed completely when Frank met Sue and impregnated her, which led to their marriage and the kids being born.
  • In this episode, it is revealed that Kevin nearly drowned at the bottom of a swimming pool for 2 minutes as a toddler, causing brain damage. Frank strongly believes that Kevin's bad behaviour stems from this, while Sue treats him delicately because of this and attributes this as to why he does so poorly in school.
  • Kevin has been suspended from school 37 times, and knows how to forge Frank's signature.
  • Jimmy's father works as a janitor.
  • The name of the local elementary school is Alfred P. Southwick Elementary School.
  • Jimmy Fitzsimmons creating a wooden boy in his room is just like the concept of Geppetto creating Pinocchio.

Quotes Edit

(Bill enters the room, falls face down onto his bed)
Kevin: What's his problem?
Maureen: He got in a fight with Jimmy Fitzsimmons.
Bill: (angry) And I would've won if you hadn't jumped in!
Kevin: You got saved by a girl? Ha! You pussy!
Bill: I am sick of everybody calling me a pussy! (hold up his suspension form, worried) Now, I gotta tell dad I'm suspended and get him to sign this. He's gonna kill me.
Kevin: Wait, you're gonna narc on yourself? Have I taught you nothing? They never check those things. Just forge dad's name and take the day off.
Bill: Easy for you to say. You've never been suspended.
Kevin: (smiles) I've been suspended 37 times. The system is a joke. They suspend me because I'm a piece of sh*t. Then, they give me a paper saying I'm said "piece of sh*t", and I'm supposed to get my parents to sign it? Why the f*ck would I do that?! I'm a piece of sh*t! For the life of me, I don't know why they don't just call the house. But, until then... (grabs the suspension form, signs Frank's signature on it, and returns it to Bill) Here, enjoy your day.

(Scene: outside the elementary school, Bill and Jimmy are about to fight)
Jimmy: F*cking coward with your sucker punches.
Mr. Fitzsimmons: What are you waiting for? Kick his ass, Jimmy!
Jimmy: Shut up, dad!
Philip: Get him, Bill. (Mr. Fitzsimmons sprays Philip, causing him to gasp) My... asthma... (coughs)

Sue: Hey, Frank! Up here.
Frank: I need to brush my teeth. I just had to eat a sh*t sandwich.
Sue: Ah, you got the tickets.
Frank: Yep! The concert's tonight, by the way. Did you know that?
Sue: I guess. What's the big deal?
Frank: It's Colt Luger night. This is the big one. It might be the end for Colt.
Sue: (annoyed) Oh, for God's sake, Frank. It's just a T.V. show.
Frank: It may just be a show, but it's the only thing in my life that doesn't disappoint...
Sue: Don't start in on me, Frank! I have had a hard enough day as it is.
Frank: (now angry) Oh, well welcome to the working world, Miss Murphy!
Sue: Oh, here it comes, here it comes everybody!
Frank: Here comes what? Here comes what? What, the truth?!
Sue: Oh, I knew you wouldn't support me!
Frank: I'm getting a hernia supporting you! But this part-time job is out of control! You're not paying enough attention to your family!
Sue: Well, at least I'm not screaming at it!
Frank: Ah, it's called "having emotions", Susan, alright! Christ, you're ice cold, like those f*cking TV dinners we've been eating every night! I haven't had a decent meal in weeks, okay! Today was probably the worst day of my life, we're probably gonna have a strike, which means the whole company goes down at Christmas! And, I had to kiss Vic's ass, that f*cking gigolo, to get tickets for our son, who I now have to treat like a f*cking dainty snowflake!
Sue: You know why we do that. You know why.
Frank: Oh, God! Are you really going to bring that up again? Kevin was only down there for TWO minutes!
Sue: Two minutes, Frank! At the bottom of a motel swimming pool!
Frank: Okay, agreed! Two minutes without oxygen is not ideal, but you gotta understand, toddlers are resilient! Christ, if they lose an arm in the womb, it grows right back!
Sue: What the hell are you talking about?
Frank: I'm talking about... look! Just because you drown a little bit, it doesn't give you any excuse to be an asshole for the rest of your f*cking life!
Sue: He's trying! He's really trying! And you wouldn't notice 'cause you're too busy riding him! You never discipline Bill, do you? It's never Bill! It's always Kevin!
Frank: Ah, Bill can't... That's because Bill's a little pussy! Christ, he falls apart if you just look at him, alright! He's got no spine! You gotta rub his back during war movies! Gee, I wonder where he got THAT from, Susan!
Sue: What, you think he gets it from me?!
Frank: Oh, you coddle him too much, and you know it! YOU KNOW IT!
Sue: I work hard to keep this family happy! I keep everyone, EVERYONE, from killing each other!

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